moms

[red6883]

hello guys again, i also have a mom problem, me and her have been close for my whole life , untill she met a new husband and up and left me and my brother... when i was 15 years old my mother met this guy at work and decided to up and leave us for him , she lived with him and left my older brother who was 17 to pay the bills for him and i... she left us in a apartment to fend for ourselves.. i had gotten jumped by 8 people that year and my mom wasnt there to help me through it. i worked and my brother worked to survive we had to go to a local 24hr store to get dinner and a drink all the time.. my life was turned upside down had to fend for my self..... she and him bought a house together keeping their relationship from my brother and i she finally told us she was givin up the apartment that we had to move everything to the house they bought and we had to live with her and this guy. then about 6 months later they get married... this guy dosnt like me or my brother.. so he deciedes that they are moving to florida.. he takes my mom and they leave us again. then i was turning 17... now i am living with my boyfriend and his family , being pressured bye my mom to move to florida where i know no one but her and being pressured up here to stay... i dont know what to do... wish it was different... o well dont wanna bore you all.. thanx for listening , any advice lemme know......{headspin}

[jamesglewisf]

That's a tough one Red. I'm going to have to give it some thought and get back to you. I just can't come up with anything off the top of my head.

[blinc]

Aha! Now here's something I might be able to offer some good advice on. ;)

I'm gathering you're still 17? If so, there are a few steps you can take to become an idependent person over there... to take charge of your own life and make a mark on the world. First off, if you hold down a job and if you make enough money to get an apt. or room of your own, you can go to your local courthouse and file papers to become an "Emancipated minor". This means that you become your own legal guardian - you would in effect be treated as an 18 year old, in being responsible for yourself. It would mean that no one would any longer have legal custody over you. Except you. You'll probably need an attorney, so you can call the local courthouse or legal aid dept., explain your situation and very likely have a court appointed lawyer appointed to you for little or no fee.

If you don't feel that you can take care of yourself yet, then you need to contact Social Services and tell them your situation. Being left on your own at age 15 is neglect. I seriously doubt they would force you to move to Florida to be with your mother, since she has proven herself to be neglectful. There are a couple different routes they may take.. the first being, placing you in a foster home to offer you a safe enviroment, food, clothing and schooling. Or secondly, helping to set you up in your own apartment, with the understanding that you are working towards becoming an emancipated minor. They should also be able to help you out in getting a medical plan in place.

If you haven't graduated high school yet, or have dropped out of school, they will help you get back into school or help you work towards getting your GED. There are lots of free education programs offered through Social Services. Please call them about that... because without at least a high school diploma, life can be tougher then it already is.

The most important advice I can offer is this: Don't let the bad things that have happend to you, beat you down. Set the thought in your own mind, that you are going to be somebody, not just another victim of poor parenting! That you aren't going to depend on others to support you - that you are going to be your own person, and a fantastic one at that! Make up your mind that you are going to get the education you need... that you are going to work 2 or 3 jobs if you have to, to go to college and get that degree to become... ? What do you want to do with your life Red? What do you want to be? There's no one or no thing that can really stop you from becoming what you want to be, if you set your mind to do it.

Show the world what you're made of, what you can and will accomplish with your determination.

Believe in yourself.

[red6883]

thanx for all the advise and take all the time u need to think on the subject... thanx for responding

[Debby]

I love what Blinc said....she is always right on the answer!!!! :) If you need any help at all with anything at all.....we are here for you. You have a family here, Red...and your mother should not have done what she did, but she is your mother, so you still should love her...but I would not move to Florida if I were you. If she really cares...she will be with you....not force you to choose.

[PsalmReader's Mom]

Yay Blinc!! Applause! Red, you got some excellent advice there. Read it again and again until you know it by heart.

Also it wouldn't hurt to take a look at my sig.
{eyes}

[Karenluvs6]

Blinc...{thumbsu} ;)
I couldn't have said it better myself.

Red...I have been working with children from 3-19 yrs old since I was 12 yrs old...started out 'volunteer counseling' kids when I was in the seventh grade..kept that up for years...went to college and got my degree at 24 yrs old. Just in case you are wondering. ...and I can honestly tell you that everything Blinc told you is exactly what I would have told you.

And, if you ever need to talk...off the forum I mean...for more personal help or advice...you can email me at Karobg@aol.com. I read my mail many times a day and I will respond as quickly as possible. Feel free!

Your mother should never have done this to you Red, so don't ever think it is your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Your mother is very wrong.

Do you have family around where you are now?
maybe you could stay with some family members until things straighten themselves out.

But all in all.....Listen to Blinc. She's a very smart lady!
and Debby is right...You have family right here on this forum!!

[jamesglewisf]

I think that when a parent fails us, then the best thing we can do is find a surrogate parent. Find a respected, wise, and loving older person whom you can trust and let him or her adopt you. I think that a grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling, or just someone you know can meet your needs when your biological parents don't.

[Debby]

I don't know how respected or wise I am....but I AM loving...:) Of course the problem is i live so far away, and you need someone you can go to for guidance and comfort who lives near you....but if you ever EVER need me....just contact me....I have aim instant meesanger (I am sheena10165) on there...and if you want my private e-mail, I can send it to you. You are lucky to have found this place (as am I and all of us.....thanks Jim) there are some really wonderful, caring people here! We will always be here for you (unless the 'puter breaks down :( )