Karenluvs6
02-14-2001, 06:57 AM
{love} HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY GANG! {love}
Some celebrity quotes:
***
"I asked this guy if had the time. He said he'd like to give
it to me, but he wasn't sure he could make a commitment."
-Carol Siskind
***
I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked
me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her -- it
would be a great chance to meet men. She looked at me and
said, "But you can meet men anywhere." I said, "Strapped
down?" - Martha Raye
***
"Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men
don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great scent. It's
called New Car Interior." -Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two housewives were discussing their home lives over shopping.
One said, "It seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight.
I've been so upset over our last fight I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least
another 10 pounds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks
out a law firm -- Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz.
He calls up and says, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?"
The man says, "No, he's out playing golf."
Morris says, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz."
"He's not with the firm any more, he's retired."
"Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz."
"He's away in Boston, won't be back for a month."
"Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz."
He says, "Speaking!" *groan* {jester}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived
babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...isn't
she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAVE A WONDERFUL VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!
Some celebrity quotes:
***
"I asked this guy if had the time. He said he'd like to give
it to me, but he wasn't sure he could make a commitment."
-Carol Siskind
***
I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked
me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her -- it
would be a great chance to meet men. She looked at me and
said, "But you can meet men anywhere." I said, "Strapped
down?" - Martha Raye
***
"Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men
don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great scent. It's
called New Car Interior." -Rita Rudner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two housewives were discussing their home lives over shopping.
One said, "It seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight.
I've been so upset over our last fight I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least
another 10 pounds."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris needs a lawyer, so he grabs the yellow pages and picks
out a law firm -- Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz & Schwartz.
He calls up and says, "Is Mr. Schwartz in?"
The man says, "No, he's out playing golf."
Morris says, "All right, then let me speak to Mr. Schwartz."
"He's not with the firm any more, he's retired."
"Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz."
"He's away in Boston, won't be back for a month."
"Okay, then let me talk to the other Mr. Schwartz."
He says, "Speaking!" *groan* {jester}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived
babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...isn't
she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAVE A WONDERFUL VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!