Report Cards

[cbreeze]

I have a 13 year old daughter, who for the past 2 years has decided that it's better to be a social butterfly at school, than it is to do her work.

I believe that this age range is difficult for most kids, and I agree that friends are important. But how do I convience her that her grades and education are more important?

My husband says that he was a lot like our daughter as far as school was concerned, but his only advice is to only let her out of her room for school, bathroom and food. I want her to get back on the right track (up until 2 years ago,she was always on the honor roll). but I feel that his advice is too hard. And i also believe that if we took my husbands advice, then our daughter would pay more attention to her friends while at school.

She is very smart, but she is getting so far behind that i'm worried that she isn't going to go on to High school with her friends.

I have even talked to her teachers, but they say that there job is to teach, not to advise parents.

I don't care if I'm the bad guy in her eyes, as long as I can help her get through this, but I don't know what else to do. ( I have taken away computer and telephone privilages. I have not let her go to friends' , and not let them come over here. I have tried talking to the point where she doesn't even hear me anymore). I have tried so much more, but she is slipping, and I don't know how to reach her.

I know all of her friends, and they are all good kids....and none of them are showing any signs of drugs, not even my daughter. Also, most of her friends are A and B students, where as my daughter is carrying low C's and low D's and high F's.

Anyway, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[blinc]

Wow Cbreeze - I'm not a parent so really don't know what to tell you. I'm sure someone in here with kids may be able to offer you some advice.

Do you think it may be just a phase she will grow out of soon? Are her grades falling? Her teachers don't sound like they are being very supportive of a concerned parent. Most teachers say they wish the parents would be MORE involved - what a strange reaction to get!

[TTP]

When you say 'Social Butterfly' what does that mean?
Is she involved in many extracurricular activities, or is it that she would just rather "hang-out" with her friends?

[41mama]

Could there be something else going on with your daughter that's stressing her out and making it difficult for her to study? Especially since her friends are good students, I would wonder about another source of stress. I would think there should be a school counselor who could talk to her and help you get to the bottom of it. Or the old tried and true going for a drive, just the two of you. Anyway. Good luck. My oldest is five, so take my free advice for what it's worth. christie

[jamesglewisf]

Sorry cbreeze, I only have a 3-year-old. I'm not quite ready to be doling out advice about teenagers. Maybe karenluv6 will have some ideas.

[Karenluvs6]

Your hubby's choice of disciplining your daughter is most likely not going to work out like he thinks. Children at that age, tend to rebel to pretty much all of that stuff. You'll find, as a matter of fact, that they'll rebel to just about any punishment right now!
How 'bout this....Take out all of her awards and certificates that she has accumulated since Kindergarten. You can look more inconspicuous if you pretend to be looking at old photos...then pull the awards and stuff out.
Explain to her how proud you were every year when she brought home those report cards. Just kind of reminisce with her...ask her questions about things she has learned, that she still remembers.
Reassure her that you still are proud of her, but that you were so proud of her schoolwork. Remind her of how hard she worked.
Sit down with her and discuss college with her...as more of a friend than a parent. Talk to her about what she wants to be later on in life...Whatever it is, no matter what it is!!...work with her, and do anything and everything you can, to help her strive for that.

I really wish I could say more to help you...I hope some of this helps ya at least a little...Please keep us informed?!

Hey, keep your head up...and don't feel bad about yourself as a parent. Being a parent, is harder today than it has ever been...and not one of us are perfect!

[theyeti]

My aunt's kid sounds exactly like yours.... whenever she comes back home, there's a good 10 other girls in the house, tv and radio on full blast, whining at the parents to get out of their own house.... she won't even do the simplest of chores, and she quit band so she could "be with her friends more" even tho i think she was really good.... i think a "social butterfly" is one who has a lot of friends and needs to be around them a lot, but no real "best friend" to depend on or trust. and I have no idea what one should do about it....

[41mama]

I just remembered my friend's son was kicked out of school for non-attendance his senior year. He finally finished and went in the Navy. When he got out, he went to community college and graduated as the valedictorian of his class. He's now at the University of Washington as an Engineering major (and boy, do they have to study!). Hopefully she'll find something that interests her to motivate her in school soon. Christie

[RoadRunner]

It's funny. This thread gets lots of hits.

[DeliriumFang]

I don't think that there really is a hwole lot that you can do about it.
What Karenluvs6 said about talking to her like that, I'd have to say that, if she's the "social butterfly" type she may just brush off that talk.
Well, if your really desperate, you could transfer her to another school, that is still near by so that you have to move.