My Mother Taught Me..

[Karenluvs6]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -
I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that
will come out of the
carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't
straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's
why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear
clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll
*give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you
*look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there
'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a
tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;
would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRACY - "If I've told
you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you
into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions
of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do!"

[jamesglewisf]

Boy, my mom used to lecture and lecture me. I preferred spankings. The funny thing is, now I do the same thing. I'm working on it.

[rs0522]

First time my future wife met my parents.

We are sitting in the living room talking. I stand up and say "I have to go to the bathroom." My mother says "Well, you don't have to tell everyone." I leave on my errand, return and sit down.

My wife stands up (to go to the bathroom) and says nothing. My mother says "Where are you going?"

You can't win.

[jamesglewisf]

rs0522,

That's pretty funny.

[41mama]

My mother taught me never to point a gun, even a toy gun, at anyone. That actor that was recently killed by police ... I keep saying to myself, "Didn't anyone ever teach him never to point a gun at anyone?" Christie