Karenluvs6
11-04-2000, 09:58 AM
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.
Here's some more!
"100th Birthday"
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented
him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I
have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his
rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding
night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who
was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
------------------------------
Pushing a cart down a supermarket aisle, a man passed a woman
whose cart carried a four-year-old girl. As he walked by, he
heard the mother saying, "Take it easy, Natasha. It won't be
long. We have only three more items to buy."
A few minutes later, he passed the same woman in
another aisle. As the little girl looked at the items on the
shelves, the woman crooned in a soothing voice, "It's okay,
Natasha. We're almost finished. Nothing to get upset about,
Tasha dear. We'll be outside in no time at all."
When the man reached the checkout counter, the woman
was paying for her groceries. "Excuse me," he said. "I'd like
to compliment you on the way you kept your daughter calm
while you did your shopping. I overheard some of the soothing
things you were saying to Natasha here to keep her from
getting upset."
The woman looked puzzled for a few seconds, then
laughed. "You've got it all wrong," she said. "My daughter's
name is Kate. I'm Natasha."
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.
Here's some more!
"100th Birthday"
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented
him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I
have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his
rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding
night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who
was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
------------------------------
Pushing a cart down a supermarket aisle, a man passed a woman
whose cart carried a four-year-old girl. As he walked by, he
heard the mother saying, "Take it easy, Natasha. It won't be
long. We have only three more items to buy."
A few minutes later, he passed the same woman in
another aisle. As the little girl looked at the items on the
shelves, the woman crooned in a soothing voice, "It's okay,
Natasha. We're almost finished. Nothing to get upset about,
Tasha dear. We'll be outside in no time at all."
When the man reached the checkout counter, the woman
was paying for her groceries. "Excuse me," he said. "I'd like
to compliment you on the way you kept your daughter calm
while you did your shopping. I overheard some of the soothing
things you were saying to Natasha here to keep her from
getting upset."
The woman looked puzzled for a few seconds, then
laughed. "You've got it all wrong," she said. "My daughter's
name is Kate. I'm Natasha."