from one parent to another......

[Karenluvs6]

I am having a serious problem with a bed wetting child.

My daughter is 11 yrs old. I don't remember exactly when it started, but it has been quite a while. She wets the bed like three to four nights a week. She has gone through three mattresses in the last three years! I have to wash her sheets and blankets every other day..It's driving me crazy...I don't know what to do!
She is the only one of my children who does this....thank goodness...but it is putting a strain on everything at home! My husband gets very upset with her, as do I....because sometimes the odor is unbearable. Also because of the laundry thing...I have enough laundry to do as it is, with all the ppl in the house...but to do blankets and sheets and pillows on a daily basis too?! It's just too much anymore.
She isn't afraid of the dark...so we know it isn't that. It isn't too cold...so we know it isn't that. She doesn't get anything to drink after 6pm, so I don't think it is that either.
The doctor said that she may be outgrowing her bladder...she is very tall!! But he also said there is nothing he can do.
We get so upset with her sometimes, because when we ask her about it...she acts like she just doesn't care. Like it's no big deal...I can't imagine!!
I was so angry one day, I asked her, "when is this going to stop?" .......to which she replied by shrugging her shoulders and walking away from me...then went on laughing and playing with something just seconds after I asked.
I am at wit's end!!
please someone give me some advice or suggestions before we go completely crazy.

[railhead]

Hello, has she been tested for diabetes??? My husband has diabetes and one of the symptoms is bladder control... Just a thought.

[jamesglewisf]

I'll ask some friends with older kids. All that follows is brainstorming with my wife.

Have you considered taking her to a specialist? I think they are called urologists.

She may appear not to care, but is really truly embarrassed about it.

She could be afraid of the onset of puberty and is regressing a bit.

She could be afraid that there is something really wrong with her and is in denial, acting like she doesn't care.

She may be trying to get some attention. Were there any major life changes just before or just after it began? New baby, Dad working long hours, new school, sick sibling, etc.?

This is a real puzzler, but I bet a urologist has seen it all. I would try that.

[Austruck]

Assuming there isn't a medical problem (yes, have this checked out), I think you're reacting all wrong to this. As a young teen of 12-13, I still had a bedwetting problem, and my mom tried all the stuff you did. She even tried embarrassing me out of it with various things. She'd also wake me at 2 a.m., find that she was too late, and make me somehow wake up enough to change my own sheets with all the lights on full blast, the whole while she was mumbling under her breath. Ugh.

This was over 25 years ago now. A few years ago my mom took me aside and apologized to me for shaming me about something I couldn't control. I really appreciated that. Seems I was just a very deep sleeper, it seems, and/or my body was changing at different rates.

I did, by the way, grow out of it. :)

Several of my children had/have this same problem. I make absolutely NOTHING about it, on purpose. This has got to be a very common occurrence in our society, judging by how quickly the market for GoodNites (those very large disposable training pants for kids) has taken off. Every time I go to the grocery store, it seems, they're making a size bigger than they were last time. I'm betting that they make a size for your daughter. There are sizes for kids over 85 pounds now, and growing. (And if that's not big enough, get some Depends!)

Don't stress yourself about it. Get her the training pants for overnight and let it go! I think once you're not stressing over washing sheets and ruining mattresses, you'll be able to not take it so seriously. You want her to stop because of the horrendous load of work it's creating. Once you take away the work, you might not be so confounded by it.

She's sleeping, and so it's just not right to get on her case about it like she's doing it deliberately. Think of it this way: What are the odds of her still bedwetting when she's grown up and married? Probably pretty slim. Don't sweat the small stuff. And trust me, if she's about to hit puberty and her teen years, this IS the small stuff!!

[Austruck]

By the way, you can also use plastic mattress covers to protect the mattress. That's precisely what they're for ... and the fact that they exist tells you this isn't such a weird thing at all.

[blinc]

Oh boy, I can imagine with having six kids you have tons of laundry to do and I can imagine it's frustrating. I'm betting she reacted to what you said, the way she did out of embarrassment. She probably doesn't have any clue what's causing it anymore then you do.

*sigh* This is sooo embarrassing... but I too was a bed-wetter. Between what was going on in our home and a growth spurt, I started wetting the bed at 10 and it continued til I was 12. My mother did horrendously embarrassing things to me, to try to get me to stop. Including (from the time I was 11)forcefully putting diapers on me, on the living room couch in front of my brothers and father. Telling me if I was going to act like a baby, then I'd be treated as one. I can tell you this... it sure did not help with the pressure and shame I felt, plus just the outright fear of wetting the bed again.

I have read not too long ago, that studies are finding that many children experiencing growth spurts have trouble controlling their bladder. There is some new medication out that is supposed to help with this. I will be feverently looking for this info, as I can imagine both you and your daughter are having a hard time dealing with this. Hang in there.

[Austruck]

Wow, blinc, my mom did the same thing to me with the diaper thing! I didn't wanna mention it, though. When she apologized to me she tried to explain to me that people weren't as accepting back then of things like this and no one was into "affirmation," etc. Now, I don't go for the big "self esteem" push that means never disciplining a child, but bedwetting is different. I know from my own experience that I could NOT control it and would have done ANYTHING to change it at the time. I was otherwise a VERY compliant teen and never gave my folks a speck of trouble (which my mom will confirm to this day).

Sorry someone else had to go through it, and I hope you're not holding grudges with your mom over it. My mom, aside from this very weird experience, was not usually so irrational in her treatment of me. This was just something no one understood, and she too didn't like having to wash laundry and bedclothes all the time.

Linda

[Karenluvs6]

Originally posted by Austruck
By the way, you can also use plastic mattress covers to protect the mattress. That's precisely what they're for ... and the fact that they exist tells you this isn't such a weird thing at all.




I have used them many times...she tears them with her sneakers.
Precisely the reason I got so upset....I know she can't help it, but instead of trying to help the situation, she seems like she don't care. This is where I am at a loss....I don't know whether she is just being spiteful or is this something she does want to stop.

[Austruck]

I can't see how the actual bedwetting can be done out of spite.

But as for the attitude about the rest of it when she's awake, I'd go with others here who have said that she's probably just embarrassed. You may want to talk to her about it, but she's probably SO mortified and perhaps even worried that it won't go away, that she doesn't want to deal with it with anyone, not even you. If she's like I was, ANYthing that reminds her of it is sheer torture, especially if she's also worried about your frustration on top of her embarrassment.

I hope you guys can come to a situation you all can live with. I just know I'm SOOO thankful for those GoodNites. It's a small and temporary expense, IMHO.

Blessings,
Linda

[blinc]

Found some really good articles on the bedwetting problem. When I ran a search on WebMD it came back with a whole slew of articles written...
http://my.webmd.com/search_results

I didn't look at all of them, but this one:
(8. The Bedwetting Blues)I think offered some wonderful explanations and advice.

To save you some time, the first 6 articles I think are just the same thing over and over, but the rest are different. Hope this helps!

[blinc]

Arrgh, I just checked to see if the link worked... it's getting a "Search is busy please try again later". But all's I did was type in: Bedwetting
in the search area and it pulled that info up. You should be able to get it to work if you try the same thing. Sorry.

[Karenluvs6]

thanks Blinc!
and thank you Linda....your advice and opinions are much appreciated.
I am going to try every bit of advice I receive in this forum....that is why I came here....I knew someone would be able to help.
Blinc....I am going to read those articles tonight while the kids' are at church.....they are decorating the whole church for Christmas.....finally, peace and quiet!

[blinc]

Just wanted to mention that I think WebMD is one of the best information sites for medical searches on the internet. It has easy to understand articles and I don't think I've done a search yet, where they didn't have SOME type of information on a condition. I wanted to give you a link to their home page... you can sign up and receive a weekly newsletter that has lots of info. on latest medical news. It's just a tremendously helpful site. :)

Here's the link to the homepage:
http://my.webmd.com/index

The search ability on this site is great too. You don't need to know the medical term for a condition, I love that!!

[Pit Bull]

If your doctor tells you that there is nothing he can do then that leads me to believe that he has ruled out any biological cause. That only leaves one cause. You stated that you are getting upset with her. STOP!!! You are just making her problem worse. You can't possibly be more bothered by it than she is. Based upon what you have said it sounds like a case of her bladder not having caught up with the rest of her body. IT WILL STOP AS SOON AS THIS HAPPENS!!! I get the distinct feeling that the reason she is acting like it is no big deal is because this is a way for her to deal with it emotionally and your putting pressure on her is just making the problem for her even more difficult to deal with. If you truly love her then you'll stop getting on her case about it.

A father with common sense.

[Dude111]

I hope by now they have gotton this under control :)

Welcome to the site my friend!!

[jamesglewisf]

LOL! She is now probably 18-19 years old. You responded to an 8-year-old thread.

[Dude111]

Yes but unfortunetly i have heard of 18-19 year olds still wetting the bed....... (Just for conversation)

[dreuby]

LOL! She is now probably 18-19 years old. You responded to an 8-year-old thread.

Over two years since we heard from Karenluvs6 - wonder how she is?