Mother-in-law blues...

[cool chic]

I could just about scream. My husband is so worked up about his parents.

Last time we were visiting them (they live about three hours away on a little island) my husband and his mother had a fight. She was going on about my husbands father (who was outside working in the yard) and my husband was defending him. After going through the morning of them fighting and having our two year old watching them fighting. (Loud bickering) I stepped in the middle of them and told them to both the be quiet. I told them that it was all nonsence and there was no reason they couldn't sit down and talk rationally about their problems. I was getting a headache and didn't want to listen to them anymore. And I didn't think that it was fair that my daughter had to listen to them either. After saying this I left the room and went into the bedroom. Silence filled the house. I am usually meek and mild. I stay out of thier fights, and know that I should keep my mouth shut, unless I want a debate with my mother in law. Well, right after getting into the bedroom, I could hear my mother in law leave the house. She stormed out of the yard, jumped in her truck and took off. My husband said he was happy that I spoke up to her finally. However, she finally came home after about four hours. By the looks of it she spent the whole time crying. When she walked through the door she shot me a terrible "How dare you" look and ignored both my husband and I the rest of the night. The next day we left, she was still upset with us.

Well, its been a few months since this has happened and she hasn't been over for a visit. She usually comes here at least once a month. My husband talks to her on the phone and he says she sounds depressed. She was even invited to our daughters second birthday party last weekend and made every excuse why she couldn't come. My husband is pretty upset with his mom. He feels that she dosn't care about him and his family. I know if I had of kept my mouth shut and minded my own business she would have blown it under the carpet by now. I can't help feeling that it is all my fault. Am I wrong? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

[RoadRunner]

Oh, good. I was hoping this thread would get moved in here. I have a few comments. BTW, all of this is opinion, so you know what that's worth. You were right. They shouldn't have been bickering in front of you and the kids. Both your husband and his mom were in the wrong here.
Your husband should have ended it instead of waiting for you to end it.
Storming off and refusing to talk to someone is not very helpful. It is the adult version of a temper tantrum and has no place in any relationship.
When she came back, you and your husband should have talked to her until everybody had a clean slate. You shouldn't let the sun go down on your anger.
Since you didn't work it out then, it needs to be addressed and put behind you now.
Forget right and wrong at this point and apologize to each other.

[Debby]

Even though you did the right thing, I would suggest, for the sake of the family, that you swallow your pride and apologize, even though you shouldn't have to....it is better to have peace in the family, and it will hurt your daughter far worse to not have her grandma around than the fighting ever did.

[cool chic]

Thankyou for all the great advice. My husband went and spent the weekend with his parents last weekend. His mother and him ended up breaking out in a verbal fight on Saturday. Saturday night my husbands sister showed up for a visit...my husband was able to talk to his sister and they both ended up sitting down and talking to their mother. He feels really positive about what they talked about and what the agreed on. I phoned my hubby on Sunday, my mother-in-law answered the phone and her and I actually had a really inteligent conversation. I was quite surprised we lasted 10 minutes on the phone together. It felt nice. The future seems brighter where they are concerned. Thankyou again for all your comments and suggestions

[RoadRunner]

Hey, that sounds great. She's your mother-in-law and your husband's mother for life, so it's much nicer to work things out.

[Debby]

I'm so happy to hear things are going better!!! The whole mother-in-law thing is tricky....I love mine to death, but she has a bad habit of babying him, and he thinks I should do that too....NOT.