A Christmas Gift Disagreement

[Justawoman]

Okay my spouse came in with wireless internet for the girls. I held my tongue because I believe in choosing my battles. I have my reservations about this gift. You see on the news and news shows stories about online predators and such. Even my hubby has said how scary the idea is. So what does he do for the two left at home? Puts internet in their room where it will be harder to monitor their activity.

Also means yet another job title for me. Computer monitor. I trust my girls but after all one is just a teenager and prone to having that I can handle anything Mom attitude. Any ideas on how to monitor without being a smothering mother hen? Any good ideas for ground rules before they actually have the internet access available to them?

The schools here make them sign a contract about proper internet usage. Would that work at home?

[Hannamoren]

Mine have their own internet acces too. They are not allowed to give names, numbers or photos on the net, not meet with anyone you don't know in RL. And after that, we pray that we have given our daughters a good upbringing and a good sence. Not much more to do. You could of course check when they are at school, which pages they have been to, but we have not done this.

[Grimey]

You can buy Symantec Internet Security. It allows you to block bad content, and only you can change the settings because it is password protected. You can either use a white list (they can only visit sites you name), or you can use a black list (they can visit any site unless you prohibit it), or you can use the software's built-in and regularly updated list of bad sites. It is really good stuff.

[Radu]

Not being a teen girl, myself, I'm not entirely sure what the specific risks are. I'm sure there's a big difference between them and the trials of teen boys on the internet.

Internet filters are good at keeping them out of bad sites, but more and more, the threat is in communication (chat rooms, IM, email) which filters can't... filter. Relationships form on the internet, especially with young girls, it seems. We all here the stories of abductors, which are extreme cases, but it's more often girls getting caught up in a cyber-personality and possibly submitting pictures or videos to a person they don't even know (or maybe somebody they do know). The only thing I could encourage is to keep the internet in a high-traffic area of the house, where it can be monitored. And, just keep communication open between you and them so they feel open talking to you. Of course, that's something I'm sure you know and are probably already doing.

About the gift, though, I think it's a bad idea. I can't think of much good it'll do. Too much internet surfing is bad for anybody (of any age) who doesn't have a destination.

[Justawoman]

Okay some great ideas folks. I do appreciate them.

I can honestly say that our 16 year old works on her xanga alot and homework on the net. It just seems that her time schedule for being home conflicts with Dad's. When he is home he wants to check stocks, email parents, balance our books etc... and she always has a paper to research or something. So no I haven't had to worry about her chatting habits.

We totally forbid AOL instant messenger simply because when she did have it she didn't monitor who she allowed access to our computer and we were always fighting viruses which could be traced back to something she had downloaded during chat. So that is still a no. I just don't want to go head long into this thinking she won't be a normal teen and be tempted to push the boundaries of her new freedom.

So thanks again for the tips.

[Justawoman]

Okay it all is working out better than I thought it would. Dad put a time limit on how long or late she can be online at night. And so far she is talking to her sister at college alot.