Karenluvs6
11-21-2000, 06:29 AM
The Top 15 Florida Excuses for Holding Up the Election
15. Dangerous Metamucil shortage caused by misunderstood TV reports of
"many irregularities in Florida."
14. Booths in Cuba stay open until Fidel says it's time to close.
13. "Help! I've voted and I can't get up!"
12. "Give us 'Golden Girls: The Movie', and you'll get your
President!"
11. "Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! There are 'gators in the ballot box!!!"
10. Still waiting for Elian's absentee ballot to be "rescued" from
Donato's closet.
9. Jeb Bush can't decide whether to help his brother or pay him back for
a lifetime of noogies.
8. Too many grandmother's pinching dimples.
7. Jimmy Johnson hair fumes *still* addling voters.
6. Easy Bush victory disrupted by unfortunate large number of
easily-understood ballots.
5. Gore voters "confused" by ballot design need time to prepare snappy
answers to the question, "And you accused BUSH of being stupid?!?"
4. "Que?"
3. Waiting for Walt's head to thaw so he can cast the deciding vote.
2. Ballot inspectors are stuck behind blue-haired drivers going 20 MPH
in the wrong lane with a turn signal constantly on.
1. "Hush up, now! Matlock's on!!"
------------------------------------------------------------
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to
relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The
man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his
shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity
got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I
couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you
look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she
starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home"!
------------------------------------------------------------
It so happened that Myron and Vinnie came of age at the same
time. From his father Vinnie received a brand new handgun, while
at his bar mitzvah, Myron's father strapped a beautiful gold
watch on his wrist. The next day Vinnie was full of admiration
for the watch, while Myron was consumed with envy after one
glance at the pistol. So the two friends decided to trade gifts.
That night when Vinnie checked to see whether it was dinnertime,
his father asked, "Where'd you getta dat watch?"
After he heard the story he exploded at his son. "Whatsa matta
you? Here I am thinking you gotta some brains in you head! One-a
day you gonna get married. Den maybe you find your wife in bed
wit another guy. An whatta you gonna do then? Look atta you
watch and say, 'Hey, how long you gonna be?'"
------------------------------------------------------------
15. Dangerous Metamucil shortage caused by misunderstood TV reports of
"many irregularities in Florida."
14. Booths in Cuba stay open until Fidel says it's time to close.
13. "Help! I've voted and I can't get up!"
12. "Give us 'Golden Girls: The Movie', and you'll get your
President!"
11. "Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! There are 'gators in the ballot box!!!"
10. Still waiting for Elian's absentee ballot to be "rescued" from
Donato's closet.
9. Jeb Bush can't decide whether to help his brother or pay him back for
a lifetime of noogies.
8. Too many grandmother's pinching dimples.
7. Jimmy Johnson hair fumes *still* addling voters.
6. Easy Bush victory disrupted by unfortunate large number of
easily-understood ballots.
5. Gore voters "confused" by ballot design need time to prepare snappy
answers to the question, "And you accused BUSH of being stupid?!?"
4. "Que?"
3. Waiting for Walt's head to thaw so he can cast the deciding vote.
2. Ballot inspectors are stuck behind blue-haired drivers going 20 MPH
in the wrong lane with a turn signal constantly on.
1. "Hush up, now! Matlock's on!!"
------------------------------------------------------------
A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to
relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The
man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his
shirt pocket. This continued several times before the man's curiosity
got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I
couldn't help but notice your little ritual, why in the world do you
look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer"?
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she
starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home"!
------------------------------------------------------------
It so happened that Myron and Vinnie came of age at the same
time. From his father Vinnie received a brand new handgun, while
at his bar mitzvah, Myron's father strapped a beautiful gold
watch on his wrist. The next day Vinnie was full of admiration
for the watch, while Myron was consumed with envy after one
glance at the pistol. So the two friends decided to trade gifts.
That night when Vinnie checked to see whether it was dinnertime,
his father asked, "Where'd you getta dat watch?"
After he heard the story he exploded at his son. "Whatsa matta
you? Here I am thinking you gotta some brains in you head! One-a
day you gonna get married. Den maybe you find your wife in bed
wit another guy. An whatta you gonna do then? Look atta you
watch and say, 'Hey, how long you gonna be?'"
------------------------------------------------------------