What part of LEAVE & CLEAVE is hard to understand?

[TIMKIM]

....... messed up, sorry

[TIMKIM]

DH doesn't want to stand up to controlling mother and has told me that any further issues that come up must be addressed by me directly to her. I don't think that is a good idea, but he says he is tired of "covering your tail." They have exhibited their different lifestyle and values while in our home and frankly, we both agreee that they (his mother and her new husband) probably shouldn't be around our young children much. But even though we both agree about that, my DH, understandably, does not want to be viewed as the "bad guy" and certainly "spins" it so that he's not. Now, he has started working with them as well so he's with them everyday and though they talk about me, he "covers" for me and is now tired of doing so. The problem with his "diplomatic" approach to equality is two fold: Number One: he married me and vowed to ultimately leave her and cleave to his newly formed family (our wedding happened a couple of years before she found her new man) and Number Two: in trying to make all parties involved equally happy, it has left all parties involved tense. And if he tells her something HE AND I already agreed to and she is not happy about it, he goes through with what we agreed on, but he makes me miserable for him doing so. I really don't know what to think about any of this except that I have taken a backseat to my husband's attention in familial matters, especially since he started working with them. No family is perfect, but I must say I have been a bit taken off guard with his behavior because my father ALWAYS put my mother and us (their children) first, even if he, she or they both were wrong when dealing with both sides of the family. The well being of our family more important to my parents than what any of the rest of the family thought we should or shouldn't do.

[jamesglewisf]

It is time for some marriage counseling. You both need to go.

[Justawoman]

I agree Jim.

[TIMKIM]

I agree with you both and have suggested it. But, I was told our marriage was fine and that I am "just the one that has issues". Am I just not being a very good wife / DIL? Is there something obvious that I am lacking that he / they / you can see that I can't based on what I've written? Thanks.

[Justawoman]

Marriage is a partnership. You should be equals with obvious stronger qualties from each other, that is what balances it all out. There should be no secrets, no area of each other's lives where you wouldn't or couldn't go/be allowed.

Your opinion should come first above his mother's.