Karenluvs6
11-27-2000, 06:14 AM
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the
man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my
wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions
to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot
after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with
blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
------------------------------------------------------------
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus
driver said, 'That's the ugliest baby I've ever
seen.'
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the
fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of
the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that
she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
'The bus driver insulted me.' she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: 'Why, he's a public
servant and shouldn't say things to insult
passengers.'
'You're right.' She said. 'I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind.'
'That's a good idea,' the man said. 'Here, let
me hold your monkey.'
------------------------------------------------------------
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude
test:
Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another
two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits,
and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have
you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles
of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of
beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy : SIX.
Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits,
and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two
rabbits is seven?
Paddy : I've already got one rabbit at home!
------------------------------------------------------------
Japan recently sent the American people 50,000,000 cases of
Viagra...
They heard that our entire country can't get an election
straight ...
------------------------------------------------------------
Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's
in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it
leaves a red mark on my forehead.
------------------------------------------------------------
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a
terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He
became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping
a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong
almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a
similar job. One blank on the job application called for the
reason for leaving his previous position.
Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
------------------------------------------------------------
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what
the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and
went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the
man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my
wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions
to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot
after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with
blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
------------------------------------------------------------
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus
driver said, 'That's the ugliest baby I've ever
seen.'
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the
fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of
the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that
she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
'The bus driver insulted me.' she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: 'Why, he's a public
servant and shouldn't say things to insult
passengers.'
'You're right.' She said. 'I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind.'
'That's a good idea,' the man said. 'Here, let
me hold your monkey.'
------------------------------------------------------------
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude
test:
Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another
two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits,
and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have
you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles
of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of
beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy : SIX.
Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits,
and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy : SEVEN!
Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two
rabbits is seven?
Paddy : I've already got one rabbit at home!
------------------------------------------------------------
Japan recently sent the American people 50,000,000 cases of
Viagra...
They heard that our entire country can't get an election
straight ...
------------------------------------------------------------
Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's
in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it
leaves a red mark on my forehead.
------------------------------------------------------------
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a
terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He
became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping
a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong
almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a
similar job. One blank on the job application called for the
reason for leaving his previous position.
Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
------------------------------------------------------------