Karenluvs6
12-01-2000, 07:10 AM
A doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to
die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. The old
man tells the doctor to search the world for the
best heart available, money is no object. A few
days later the doctor calls the old man and says
he has found three hearts but they are all
expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he
is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about
the donors they came from.
'Well, the first one belonged to 22 year old
marathon runner, never smoked, ate only the most
healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was
hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course.
But it costs $100,000!'
The old man waving off the last part about the
cost asks the doctor to tell him about the second
donor. 'This one belonged to a 16 year old long-
distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean.
Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the
pool. That heart'll set you back $150,000!'
'Okay,' said the old man, 'what about the third
heart?'
'Well this one belonged to a 58 year-old man,
smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed
over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a
fish... this heart is going for $500,000!!!'
'Five-hundred grand?!?!', the old man exclaimed,
'why so expensive?'
'Well', said the doctor, 'this heart belonged to a
lawyer... so it was never used!'
------------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving late one Saturday night when a cop pulls him
over. The policeman walked up to the man and asks, "Have you
been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving?"
"No," replies the policeman, "you were driving fine. It's the
ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a
ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to
give a message to a friend in there."
The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket."
The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then
I'll be right out."
"Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch
you praying."
------------------------------------------------------------
A man sitting at the bar pulls from his pocket a box, and out
of the box he takes a small piano, bench and little man who
promptly sits and begins to play.
The bar-tender demands," you gotta tell me where you got that"
"buy me a shot, and I'll show ya", says the guy. "done!!",the
bar-tender replies.
The man then takes from his coat a magic lamp. "is that what I
think it is , you have got to let me give it a try", exclaims
the bar-tender.
"Give me another shot of whiskey and you got a deal".
Waiting for this moment his entire life the bar-tender begins
to rub the lamp. WHOOOSH!!! out pops a Genie. I'll grant you one
wish says the Genii. "I have waited for this my whole life, I
know just what I want, I want A Million bucks!!!" says the
bar-tender.
Your wish is granted....POOOFF!!the Genie was gone. A few minutes
pass and there is a huge rumble outside the bar. Suddenly the
doors fly open and in comes these ducks, there are Mallards
everywhere, on the bar on the floor, everywhere!!
Really angry now the bar-tender screams," I said a Million Bucks,
not a Million Ducks!!!"
The man says you think I asked for a ten inch Pianist?
------------------------------------------------------------
have a great day!
die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. The old
man tells the doctor to search the world for the
best heart available, money is no object. A few
days later the doctor calls the old man and says
he has found three hearts but they are all
expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he
is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about
the donors they came from.
'Well, the first one belonged to 22 year old
marathon runner, never smoked, ate only the most
healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was
hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course.
But it costs $100,000!'
The old man waving off the last part about the
cost asks the doctor to tell him about the second
donor. 'This one belonged to a 16 year old long-
distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean.
Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the
pool. That heart'll set you back $150,000!'
'Okay,' said the old man, 'what about the third
heart?'
'Well this one belonged to a 58 year-old man,
smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed
over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a
fish... this heart is going for $500,000!!!'
'Five-hundred grand?!?!', the old man exclaimed,
'why so expensive?'
'Well', said the doctor, 'this heart belonged to a
lawyer... so it was never used!'
------------------------------------------------------------
A man is driving late one Saturday night when a cop pulls him
over. The policeman walked up to the man and asks, "Have you
been drinking, sir?"
"Why? Was I weaving?"
"No," replies the policeman, "you were driving fine. It's the
ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a
ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to
give a message to a friend in there."
The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket."
The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then
I'll be right out."
"Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch
you praying."
------------------------------------------------------------
A man sitting at the bar pulls from his pocket a box, and out
of the box he takes a small piano, bench and little man who
promptly sits and begins to play.
The bar-tender demands," you gotta tell me where you got that"
"buy me a shot, and I'll show ya", says the guy. "done!!",the
bar-tender replies.
The man then takes from his coat a magic lamp. "is that what I
think it is , you have got to let me give it a try", exclaims
the bar-tender.
"Give me another shot of whiskey and you got a deal".
Waiting for this moment his entire life the bar-tender begins
to rub the lamp. WHOOOSH!!! out pops a Genie. I'll grant you one
wish says the Genii. "I have waited for this my whole life, I
know just what I want, I want A Million bucks!!!" says the
bar-tender.
Your wish is granted....POOOFF!!the Genie was gone. A few minutes
pass and there is a huge rumble outside the bar. Suddenly the
doors fly open and in comes these ducks, there are Mallards
everywhere, on the bar on the floor, everywhere!!
Really angry now the bar-tender screams," I said a Million Bucks,
not a Million Ducks!!!"
The man says you think I asked for a ten inch Pianist?
------------------------------------------------------------
have a great day!