Sibling Rivalry

[Carrie Earls]

I read a lot of books on parenting and have a lot of friends who are excellent parents. Yet when I ask questions about how to deal with sibling fighting, or sibling rivalry, I sure do get a variety of answers!

My girls are four and (almost) two years old. I am expecting a boy any minute now (literally!). Although I have had my own methods for how to deal with the two girls' quarrels and rivalries, I'd like to know what you think!

How do you cope? What have you tried that works?

[RoadRunner]

**bump**

[In_His_Shadow]

Wish I could help. I remember making the comment that I would never have to go through that with my girls since there are 6 years between them. I didn't figure they would have anything to fight about since they would be in such different stages. Boy was I wrong. Seems they all go through that.

Some encouraging news is that now that my oldest is moving out in December and my youngest is going off to college in August it seems they really love each other now. My mom always told me that they would start getting along as soon as they leave the house. Seems like mom knew what she was talking about.

CJ

[jamesglewisf]

I'll bet you karenluvs6 has some ideas for this one.

[kezzer]

My 2 children are 2 years apart. They can be very close at times but they also have their moments. Aside from separating them when they argue I can't figure out how to stop the rivalry and the bickering. Good Topic Carrie!!!

[4everHis]

I have to say the one thing that can be done to help is by having rules ahead of time to eliminate possible trouble. For instance, assigned seats in a car can eliminate the "dibs on front seat." It isn't as much of a problem as it used to be since passenger-side air bags which force the kids to the back seat, but mine still fight over the driver's-side, passenger-side, and rear seat in our van. So we just assign their seats rotating them weekly. I've heard some families that keep the same assigned seats all of the time, rotating only when the oldest child moves out!

Siblings will quarrel. Caount on it. If you find a particular situation that they are bickering all of the time, set some ground rules that help them manage it. They will then self-govern the situation in time, and it will help them learn to set their own ground rules that they can agree on as they get a little older. I wish you well!

[Karenluvs6]

One thing you'll eventually come to learn, is that rules do not matter to most kids' after a certain age.
All six of my children have different personalities. Very different!!
My girls' fight all the time...I have tried everything imaginable. Believe it or not, I have found that letting them argue it out, is the best thing to do most of the time. But, you have to be present in the midst of this arguing. Allow them to argue to out in front of you....don't yell, just listen. They do not want to hear your opinion..this is for sure..but they will figure it out on thier own.
When it gets out of hand, and they can't come to an agreement or settlement, try this...
Make them sit in the same room with you, have them sit on the floor, facing each other, indian style and make them hold hands...both hands. I do this all the time....it always stops the fighting!!

[RoadRunner]

Good idea, Karen! I don't think I could have come up with the holding hands thing.

[Karenluvs6]

why thank you RoadRunner!
I'm trying here.....keep coming up blank.
with all these darn kids', you'd think I'd have a million ideas to post...eh?
yeah right!!

[4everHis]

I'll have to try that one too. I bet it only takes a few seconds for them to start laughing. {toothy}

[Karenluvs6]

Exactly!

I tried to stand them in the corner once...but I kept thinking of my father, and just couldn't bare to feel like I was treating them like he did me, so I can't do that anymore. Seems to work for other ppl though.
The holding hands bit, is the best thing I have found so far.

[Carrie Earls]

I haven't been able to visit the site in a few days (make that weeks -- newborns, what are you gonna do with 'em?), but I have gotten some really good feedback!

Both ideas are great. I never thought of the holding hands thing, but I will try it... My daughters are 2 and 4, so I'll have to update you!

Setting rules ahead of time is a great idea, too. We have done this in a few areas, but could probably think of some more. For example, when my 2-year-old Jessica is bothering her sister Bethany, Bethany knows that she should come to me to settle the dispute rather than taking things into her own hands (such as hitting or screaming at Jessica). If course, if she can work it out herself peacefully, that's even better!

Thanks for the ideas!

[TWTCommish]

Well, I have a brother only 2 years younger than I (we're both teenagers) - we get along better than we used to. We fight less with age, but still get awfully ticked off at each other sometimes. When we're not fighting, we thrive on doing the strangest, goofiest things to make each other laugh - like these weird sounds, walks, or just gross jokes (yes, gross jokes - I'm not ashamed! :D).

It's not a big problem - since I have more work to worry about now I fight less. I'd imagine that if we lived in different households and met up now and then we'd have almost no problems whatsoever.

But yes, the rivalry is there. I'm a bit overweight, and he's a bit thin for his age - so he likes to point that out. :) I'm tall and am in good shape, but he's in very good shape and is amazingly tall. We're both 5-10, but I'm 2 years older! I'm stronger, but not by a whole lot.

The fights are short and to the point: he tells me I'm fat (and sometimes he thinks I'm ugly, but I don't believe him at all), and I tell him he lacks ambition and needs to learn more.

It usually remains fairly friendly though.

[Karenluvs6]

so Carrie Earls, how's that baby?
just wondering how things were working out for ya with the sibling rivalry.
Have any of the things you've tried worked at all?
let us know.