Karenluvs6
12-07-2000, 06:25 AM
A husband visited a marriage counselor and explained, "When we
were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife
would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around
barking. Now, after ten years it's all different. I come home,
the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the
same service!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests
in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes
fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're so beautiful."
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while Thomas drifted back
to sleep. Later, Thomas woke up and said, "You're kind of cute."
"What happened to beautiful?" the wife asked.
"The drugs are wearing off." Thomas replied.
------------------------------------------------------------
This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what
happened last night."
His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened."
The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened
the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch."
She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door."
------------------------------------------------------------
Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up
an attractive female, and they go back to her place. "You
can't make any noise," she warns him. "My parents are
upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us!"
Things start getting heated on the sofa, but after a while
alcohol gets the better of the man's bladder. "I have to
go," he says. "Well you can't go upstairs, it's right next
to my parents' bedroom," she replies. "Use the kitchen
sink".
So he dutifully retires to the kitchen. A few minutes later,
he pops his head round the door and asks, "Do you have any
paper?"
------------------------------------------------------------
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when
an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to
the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.
The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,
drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign
said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot
how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT
building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me
a technically correct but completely useless answer."
------------------------------------------------------------
were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife
would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around
barking. Now, after ten years it's all different. I come home,
the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You're still getting the
same service!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Thomas was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests
in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes
fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're so beautiful."
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while Thomas drifted back
to sleep. Later, Thomas woke up and said, "You're kind of cute."
"What happened to beautiful?" the wife asked.
"The drugs are wearing off." Thomas replied.
------------------------------------------------------------
This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what
happened last night."
His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened."
The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened
the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch."
She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door."
------------------------------------------------------------
Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up
an attractive female, and they go back to her place. "You
can't make any noise," she warns him. "My parents are
upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us!"
Things start getting heated on the sofa, but after a while
alcohol gets the better of the man's bladder. "I have to
go," he says. "Well you can't go upstairs, it's right next
to my parents' bedroom," she replies. "Use the kitchen
sink".
So he dutifully retires to the kitchen. A few minutes later,
he pops his head round the door and asks, "Do you have any
paper?"
------------------------------------------------------------
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when
an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to
the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.
The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft,
drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign
said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot
how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT
building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me
a technically correct but completely useless answer."
------------------------------------------------------------