Karenluvs6
12-11-2000, 07:26 AM
An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. "So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest." "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said.
"Exactly."
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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: - "Hello?" - "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" - "Yes." - "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" - "What's the price?" - "Only $1,500.00" - "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..." - "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." - "What price did he quote you?" - "Only $60,000..." - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." - "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." - "What?" - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." - "How much are they asking?" - "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." - "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" - "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" - "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: - "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the
death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and
join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out
Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart
since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to
anyone, she called her doctor's office to inquire just exactly where the
heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left
breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound
to her left knee
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Have a great day everyone!
"Exactly."
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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: - "Hello?" - "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" - "Yes." - "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" - "What's the price?" - "Only $1,500.00" - "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..." - "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." - "What price did he quote you?" - "Only $60,000..." - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." - "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." - "What?" - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." - "How much are they asking?" - "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." - "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?" - "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" - "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: - "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the
death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and
join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out
Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart
since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to
anyone, she called her doctor's office to inquire just exactly where the
heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left
breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound
to her left knee
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Have a great day everyone!