It's only Harmless Flirting!

[blinc]

Harmless flirting... is there such a thing? In my opinion, 90% of the time, No there is no such thing. If it causes insecurity in your spouse, doubts about loyalty... it's not harmless. What are your opinions? How do you handle someone flirting with you or your mate?

[Lisa]

About as harmless as a tornado!!! How do I handle someone flirting with my husband? I don't hadle it well. In fact, I get rather nasty I'm afraid! Once, a gal tried to reach for my husband's face with her hand (we were at a restaraunt, she was the waitress - they dated before we married and she apparently still had a crush on him) and I found myself grabing her hand and telling her "Don't!". I was so embarrassed! But, my husband loved it.

[wdn2000]

I think flirting just breeds jealousy in the other partner. But lemme tell ya flirting directed at your husband from someone he knows...that will set ya on fire. I would be tempted to revert to my rebellious teen days and body slam the girl<shrug>...that is if my old feeble body could lift her over my head!

[Karenluvs6]

flirting is never harmless.....that's why it's called 'flirting'.
I would never disrespect Beezwax like that....and I can only assume he feels the same way. if he values his life in any way...he will feel the same way!
If he ever flirted with a girl in front of me, or otherwise....They'd both be in a heap of trouble!

[blinc]

Yeah, that's the way I feel. Grrrr. watch out, you're gonna loose the tigress in us females!! {toothy} A girl I used to work with, oooh boy, did she ever lay it on thick. The guys (most of them) seemed to eat it up, but you could tell it really bothered the girlfriends/wives.

I wonder why some women feel the need to try and entice every man in their path? I'm pretty secure about myself, but it bothers the heck out of me. My hubby gets flirted with a lot, he's a good looking guy and has a great personality. Thank goodness, he loves me enough to care about what it feels like to me. He doesn't like it when guys flirt with me, so shows me the same respect as when girls flirt with him. If someone flirts with me openly, I usually walk over to my husband and hold onto his arm... kind of gaze at him adoringly to make a point. You ladies know what I mean.

When a woman flirts with Bill... It's like a form of disrespect towards me. At least it's the way it makes me feel. Like "so what, if it bothers you" or "yes, I know you're his wife/girlfriend, but I don't care about you, just your man". Do any of you feel that way when it happens to your husband?

[jamesglewisf]

It really annoys me when a woman flirts with me. It makes me angry. I'm not flattered. I love my wife, and I don't like anybody messing with that.

[Karenluvs6]

yes, I have felt exactly the same way!
hubby was a ladies man before he and I got together...so he had girls/women coming up to him all the time at first...AAARRGGGGGGG!
He also has a great personality and woman want to talk to him all the time...Like these girls that work at the donut shop he goes to every morning....they act like they know his life history or something.....
This happened a couple weeks ago....
He was leaving for work and asked me if I'd like to go down to the donut shop with him, to get a coffee....it's right down the road (like 2 minutes away)....so I went....Now mind you, He goes there every single day of the week before work....has been for years. Anyhow, we walked in together and all the girls gave me a look and then turned to him and said "Good Morning" with big smiles on their faces....He said "good morning Gena"...."good Morning Carmen"....I was like "ok"...
So, this girl Gena looks at me and then turns to him and goes "She your girlfriend?".......I really hate it when ppl talk about me in the third person!!!!! Like I'm not there!
So he says "No, that's my wife".....she says, "OH! I didn't know you were married".....so I said to her, "that's because you don't need to know"..."you're sixteen or seventeen years old, why would a thirty two year old man tell you about his life?".......she goes, "oh, excuse me!"
"well, I only asked because he's the one who comes in here 50 times a day....by himself"......."I've never seen him with you before"....The nerve of some ppl! He goes, "ok ladies....let's not argue"......Please! Don't flatter yourself, I told him.....I'm not gonna argue with some little girl who thinks she knows you just because she serves you coffee everyday! He was all smiling and stuff because he was getting a big head over girls fighting over him.
Some girls take it seriously when a man talks to them like they are human beings.....they think the man is flirting with them automatically. Happens a lot!
Needless to say, I don't go in there anymore.......I don't want that girl spitting in my coffee or anything...because she wants my husband!

[Austruck]

My husband and I both are rather ordinary looking by the world's shallow standards, so I haven't had to field this one directly, from shallow strangers.

But, I do know that a woman he was friends with while he was also friends with me pretty much cut him out of her life once he told her he and I were getting married. Apparently she had found out his good qualities too, and had been thinking that his kind nature toward her meant he was interested too. He's just a gentleman and very gracious, but that doesn't necessarily mean romantic feelings are behind the kindness. It's a shame our culture has gotten so bad at daily kindnesses that any man who is kind to a woman is assumed to be doing it for some sort of ulterior motives.

Fine with me that I've never met her and probably won't because they don't even email any more. I have a hard enough time with self-esteem and rejection issues without worrying about my otherwise ridiculously faithful and loyal husband. :)

I think anyone who thinks flirting with "taken" people would need to give me good reasons why it's okay. I see that it serves absolutely NO good purpose.

Now, if I wanna flirt with my own husband, well now, THAT'S a different story. :)

[Austruck]

Karen,

Oooh, that donut shop thing would fry my beans! You go, girl! I think teenage girls usually live in fantasy worlds anyway, so I think you gave her a good dose of reality.

:)

[wdn2000]

Hey karen....YOU GO GIRL!!!! You get the crown!!<nod nod>....I wish I coulda been a fly on the wall. Now see if more of us wives would speak our piece maybe these pathetic love sick other women wannabe's would tread a little more lightly<umm....am I on my soap box?>...cause if I am...I am soooooooooo sorry!! ya'll take care.

[bdswamp]

My husband is a nice guy ,and will help anyone who needs it. He offered to fix this girls motorcycle for her. She had a sob story about her marriage breaking up and her ex was suppose to build it for her but now he's gone. She just gets to close for my comfort. I am not jealouse ,but I am very uncomfortable at her actions sometimes. I don't know how to handle this without looking like a fool.

[Grimey]

Just tell your husband that you trust him, but a woman whose marriage just broke up is not a good person to be spending time alone with. She is vulnerable and might mistake his kindness for something more.

[Justawoman]

Have to agree with Grimey. First and foremost your husband should consider how this makes you feel. He would probably want you to do the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.

[Leesa71]

I want to tell my story please give me some input. My neighbor who is married & supposedly my friend. We work out together occasionally & we all hang out at times. She is married as well. I always noticed how she has to be the center of attention with any man. My husband told me that while He and her husband were in the garage at their house she said "check this out" and proceeded to flash her breasts at them. My husband was honest with me and told me . He said he ignored it and kept talking to her husband who seemed to not care at all what his wife had done.I want to rip her head off. I haven't had a chance to confront her about this yet. I guess my question would be why would someone do this infront of their own husband as well. I'm really confused in a way. But I tend to think they may be swingers or something like that, They have been know to have threesomes. I don't believe in that at all. I believe in monogamy. Especially if your married. I have values and morals & they seem to have none.

[Justawoman]

I honestly don't know how I would handle that one. At least your spouse told you.

[jamesglewisf]

Once you can be calm about it (and that would be difficult), you ought to tell her that it was inappropriate and that both you and your husband were offended by it.

Then I would probably just stop hanging around them.

[Dude111]

Sounds like a good idea to me too!!

Welcome to frappydoo Leesa71 :)

[Leesa71]

Thanks for trying. Does anyone else have advice for how to confront this person? Thanks. It's very appreciated.

[Leesa71]

How come under my username it says smart fellar. How do I change that?

[Alec]

Once you reach 5 posts it will change to Fart Smeller. Then once you reach 25 posts, it changes to Ooglezoot. That is Frappydoo's goofy attempt at humor.

You can't change your title until you have like 500 or 600 posts. Read more in the FAQ - http://frappydoo.com/forum/faq.php?faq=frappydoo_faq#faq_fd_user_titles

[lindsey923]

It changes the more posts your make. Next it will be Fart Smeller. Then ooglezoot.. you just have to post more.

[lindsey923]

Well Alec and I answered that at the same time. His sounds better. Oh well, I tried! :)

[Alec]

You might get personal satisfaction out of confronting her, but it won't change who she is. I would just stop spending time with her. If she asks, tell her your beef. She probably won't ask because it will be pretty obvious.

[Husband69]

Deleted.

[Leesa71]

I would just flat out tell him. I would be very upset if my husband was speaking to another woman that way. Is he married? And if so Is his wife aware of this also? And If he is truly your friend he will respect your feelings.

[Husband69]

Hi, I've been married for 14 years now and we have had many married couples as friends. One of the married couples husbands has been emailing my wife directly now and almost every email he sends is somewhat sexual in nature, I find that they are somewhat leading emails. My wife's emails are not leading but somewhat of a flirting nature. She has shown me some of the email communications they have had and I have expressed my concern that I'm not comfortable with the ones he is sending! I totally trust her but I feel he has other motives! She has been open with me and she feels that because we know him that it's safe flirting. I feel that this may develop into something more from his standpoint. How do I make this stop!!!

Below is one of the email threads between them.
I have edited the names for protection. This was sent back in January. Let me know your thoughts? (The video is a spoof off of Saturday night live) so it's funny not bad. In discussing this email with my wife she states that the sexual undertones always die off as you'll see by the end of this thread. I still don't like it!!!

”Her”
Here's the video I promised you. It's sure to be a turn on.

”Link removed”

”Him”
J, All you have to do is say "turn on" and I'm turned on. Funny how that works.

I have forwarded to my home email as I'm afraid to view it from work (and they probably have the sight blocked anyway).
You probably sent this to my work knowing I couldn't look at it at here (on my Birthday no less) and now you are getting me all worked up and I will be counting the seconds till I get home tonight, and of course Mom-Jeans just sounds wrong and I'm sure it's a spoof, but my mind will be wandering all day long anyway (was that good English or what). You are such a tease, you always leave me hanging. That's why I keep coming back for more. It's the pain that makes it fun. Did I ever tell you that you are my favorite mom?

“Her”
You know, every time my kids tell me I'm their favorite mom my response is "What do you want?" Do I even ask you that question?
Hey, Happy Birthday! Since I'm 29 you're about 33?
You let me know if that video makes you think of me! If yes, would need to make a few "alterations" if you will.

”Him”
Oh yeah.

33, yeah that's the ticket.

"Alterations" OK, now I'm worried. Don't fret, I'm still turned on though, but a little
worried.

“Her”
So, where's the birthday party going to be? I'll need a ride!!!

“Him”
Got me? FYI, my truck is available if your (my name) needs to use it. I need to have the tie rods fixed and get the tires aligned, but it still works and your free to use it. I know it won't do you any good with the kids and all. What are you doing with the van? Do you need any other help with it?
The end

How do I get the point across to him that he has crossed the line?

[Justawoman]

and you don't think your wife has crossed the line by sending sexual videos and saying, "does it make you think of me?"

Take your blinders off.

[Dude111]

2 people (married especially) should not fool round with anyone other than the one they supposedly love!!

[Justawoman]

Amen Dude.

[Alec]

How do I get the point across to him that he has crossed the line?
Just tell him it isn't appropriate to be emailing your wife. Period.

[Ivy]

My husband and I have an account in a small, local bank. The employees are mostly middle aged females, mostly widowed or divorced. My husband has three "impressive" CDs in his name only, with me as beneficiary.

Three of these bank employees flirt with him in my presence and are not discreet at all. Lately, because he has health issues, I've been doing the banking alone (we usually went together before).

A couple of months ago, when I went to the cashier window, one of "the three" waited on me. The first thing out of her mouth was, "Where is Mr. Wynn today?" NOT, "hellow, Mrs. Wynn, how are you. Where is your husband today?" but "Where is Mr. Wynn today." I smiled sweetly and politely answered by saying, "Oh, Mr. Wynn is not with me today." She didn't like that answer and looked at me as if to say, "Well I can see that. I asked you where he was," but I didn't give her the satisfaction of telling her where my husband was.

Yesterday, we went in together to take care of business and "another one of the three" waited on me at the cashier window while my husband did other business. The cashier's comment to me was, "Well, I see Mr. Wynn opened the door for you today." NOT, "hello, Mrs. Wynn, how are you today. By the way, I noticed that Mr. Wynn opened the door for you today." The first thing out of her mouth was about HIM. I simply looked at her and smiled without commenting. What she was really saying, as I interpreted it, was: "Mr. Wynn rarely opens the door for you. Why is today special?"

I find these women very unprofessional, and way too interested in why my husband is not with me, how he treats me, and generally in HIM. It is transparent that HE is on their greedy minds. All three of these women are very overweight and really not very attractive.

I know where I stand with my husband, but by the same token, I am very irritated at the gall those women have.

I've seen some good answers here so I will ask: Should I report the conduct of these women to the bank manager -- or just ignore them?

Thanks.

[jamesglewisf]

At our bank, my wife is the one who cashes checks. I usually use the ATM. When I actually go to the drive-thru and use a check, I sometimes get some of the same kind of responses. The first time it was something to the effect of, "Oh, Mr. Lewis, it is nice to meet you. I have dealt with your wife for so long but have never met you. How is she doing?" They will ask me about her because they are more familiar with her. They will also have different kinds of conversations with her than they have with me because they know her better. Obviously, these females are not flirting with my wife. They just have a relationship with her that they don't have with me.

Are you sure that it is not the same situation but in reverse?

If you and your husband agree that it is not like my situation, then I would recommend that your husband talk to their manager and recommend training with his employees (not reprimands) to help them learn how to better deal with their customers. If it continues after the training, then your husband should bring it up again from a discipline standpoint.

I think training is important because most of the time, people don't understand how they are perceived by others. They might not realize how their behavior is coming across.

[Ivy]

They’re flirting, Jim. No doubt about it. I’m a female and I’ve flirted too, but never with another woman’s boyfriend or husband. I’ve also been professional person all of my adult life, and have been on platonic, friendly terms with men. There’s a distinctive difference.

We opened a checking account at this bank about three years ago. Only our retirement money went into it for the first two years … a little above average, but not that impressive. The employees (all females, BTW) hardly noticed us.

Then a few months ago when the stock market fell, my husband took some of his serious money out of his stock accounts and temporarily parked it in CDs with this bank. Immediately, the attitude of three of three female middle-aged women changed drastically!!

Example: One day we went in together. I needed something from the safe deposit box and my husband waited outside. The “worst of the three” walked up to him and commenced to tell him she was unhappily married, and more or less in dire straits with a second mortgage and three children to educate. Why cry on my husband’s shoulder about her financial problems?? She certainly never told me anything like that. That was inappropriate and unprofessional conduct. In her unsophisticated mind, she had a reason for telling him, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

My husband is friendly person, a joker, and some may perceive him as a flirt. He’s not really; that’s just his personality and he won’t change. I know where I stand with him; however, his outgoingness has no doubt given them the wrong idea.

The thing that bothers me about these women is their lack of concern for my feelings. Do they think I don’t see it??

What’s it to one of them where my husband is if he’s not with me? What’s it to another that he opened the door for me? They are thinking way too much about HIM and are not smart enough to even know how to be discreet about it.

Asking him to say something to them or the bank manager is fruitless. I’ve discussed it with him and he doesn’t think it’s important enough. The worst part is, he does not see their real intentions!!

I’ll probably not take any action, but psyche myself up for anything to come out of their mouths and try to be ready for a good answer. So far, they have caught me off guard. Because I would never think of saying such things to a customer’s wife, I don’t expect it from others.

[Dude111]

I think flirting is wrong....

Ya love someone,you shouldnt do stuff like that!


Welcome to the site Ivy :)

[jamesglewisf]

There is not much you can do if your husband isn't willing to help other than switch banks or talk to the manager yourself or quit letting it bother you.

[Ivy]

Thanks, Jim and Dude. I'm happy I found this site. The forums are interesting.

I'll have to agree with one post on this thread. Nothing irritates me more than for someone to talk about me in the third person in my presence.

I guess that principle is what irritates me so much with these women at this bank. They flirt with my husband as if I'm not even present. And they're not spring chicks either. They're at least 55 to 65 ... maybe older.

[Dude111]

Well we are happy you sailed ashore my friend :)

[IVD74]

I believe there are 2 forms of flirting:
#1 - joking/obvious/nothing to hide flirting
#2 - sneaking glance/touchy/verbal hint flirting

My husband loves attention from other women. He does both and I'm only insecure about the second type of flirting. That to me is the worst! It's like he hides it, he'll go get me a drink at a party and welcomes advances. He doesn't see that he does this and is in denial. It makes me feel like junk! Do I think he would cheat on me??? I don't know. That sounds horrible for me to say but my husband makes me feel like I'm a bad person for feeling this way. But why am I the bad person when I can catch these little things, that he does to flirt and get the attention of the woman. She then approaches him and doesn't stop the attraction, he likes getting the attention. But b/c he's not "technically" crossing the line, I get the "oh, you're insecure", the "nothing's happening, what are you so worried about", "why don't you trust me"...HELLO!!! You give me the reasons to not trust you....you are welcoming advances by other women in front of you own WIFE!!!

What should I do everyone????

[jamesglewisf]

I believe that if something makes your spouse uncomfortable, then you should stop it whether you meant anything by it or not. That is putting your spouse's feelings above your own feelings. Dismissing your spouses feelings is not appropriate.

[Dude111]

No your spouse's feelings should be MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING!!

Welcome to the site IVD74 :)