Kids say the darndest things

[Carrie Earls]

When Bethany was in the process of learning the scripture verse John 3:16, this was her version for about 3 days:

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only FORGOTTEN Son, that SOOHOEVER believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Amen."

I couldn't help but laugh. Thank goodness she finally figured it out.

[jamesglewisf]

My daughter's speach therapist's was surprised when she said the following words:

Shut (the door)
Fork

You'll have to imagine for yourselves what the mispronunciations were. Ooops! My daughter has to have a fork to eat whether she is eating fettucine alfredo or soup. She also insists on shutting every door in the house that she walks by.

[jamesglewisf]

I had a friend in high school who, when she was little, thought the song was "Have a Little Chocolate Jesus" instead of "Have a Little Talk with Jesus."

[jamesglewisf]

Have you seen the Bugs Bunny cartoon where he and Elmer Fudd do an opera? I think it's called What's Opera, Doc?. There is a scene where Bugs is dressed up like a woman (what's up with that, doc?), and Elmer Fudd sings, "Oh Brunhilda, you're so lovely." To which Bugs replies, "Yes, I know it. I can't help it."

This makes me think of my 2.5 year-old daughter. She'll put on a hat or something and priss in front of the mirror. If you tell her she looks pretty, she'll say, "I know." or "Yes, pity." It's a riot. She is so humble!

[LisaRx]

How about this for a guilt trip:

My 4 yr old just told me "I think I need a mother in the living room." And I haven't even been online that long!

Oh well, a hug is much more important than current events, right?

[jamesglewisf]

A woman invited some people over for dinner. At the table, she turned to her 6-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" The girl replied, "I wouldn't know what to say."

"Just say what you heard your mommy say," the mother answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

[blinc]

Aaagh! That would be SO embarrassing!!

Our next door neighbors have a little girl, who when she was about 3 did something that I could have died laughing over. They have horses... evidently the mom had stepped in some horse "stuff" and swore. I was on my way to get the mail when the little girl comes running up to the fence, yelling the S word, over and over again as loud as she could... laughing all the while. The mom's face turned beet red, which of course had the little girl cracking up. Mom told her to go into the house and to quit saying that word... the little girl didn't want to go. You'll never guess what she was mumbling all the way back to the house. {toothy}

[TWTCommish]

Great thread!

- My mom's friend Tacker taught my brother and I how to say "a**hole" when we were only a few years old each - apparently it was really funny for all the adults involved.

- My younger sister Grace used to say the alphabet, and my mom would always say "Good job" afterwards...to which she would reply "Thank you very much"...or an abbreviation of that. Eventually, she would just say "Bubba-you, exx, why, zee, 'hank you much," without even really paying attention.

- When I was a little kid I told my parents I wanted to be a Garbage Man so I could ride on the back of the truck everywhere.

- My little 3-year old brother Charlie told a contractor who was in the house to talk over a project with my stepmom that "My name is Ash Catch'em" - in case you don't know, that's the name of Pokemon's lead character, who Charlie is ALWAYS pretending to be.

[Carrie Earls]

Bethany's conversation with her babysitter a few weeks ago:

Bethany: Are you married?

Sitter: No, I'm not.

Bethany: Does that make you sad?

Sitter: Well, sometimes, because I would really like to have children someday.

Bethany: Well, we don't always get what we want!


Now, where has Bethany heard that before?!?

[Karenluvs6]

I'm glad you dug this one out CarrieEarls!
I love this thread and I have a bunch of really good ones to add here...I've been saving them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,
Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who
would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the
opportunity for a moral lesson.
If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
"Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus.
____________________

A father was at the beach with his children
when his four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore,
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
____________________

After the church service a little boy told the
pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some
money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest
preachers we've ever had."
____________________

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old
daughter and said, Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife
answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
____________________

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The
Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime,
the child repeated it after the mother.
Then one night the child was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated
words,
right up to the end.
"And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us some e-mail"...
____________________

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible
with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he
turned them.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible,
and he picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree
that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered:
"I think it's Adam's suit!"
____________________

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother
Joel were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
____________________

A father was reading Bible stories to his young
son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his
wife and flee out of the city,
but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
____________________

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a
litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly
informed his mother,"There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl
kittens."
'How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."
____________________
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.
His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.
She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said,
"Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
____________________

On the first day of school, about mid-morning,
the kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom,hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How will that help?"
____________________

A mother and her young son returned from the
grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers
and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says not to eat them if the seal is
broken" the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."


------------------------------------------------------------

I just realized that I already posted this, over in parenting 101. Oh Well, more ppl will read it here anyway.

[Lisa]

My son Wyatt-Christopher was just rockin' out to the Christian radio a while back. He was singing his little heart out then when I stopped to hear what he was saying I about died trying not to laugh! The song is "The Lord Reigns!" and he was singing "The Lord's Brains!" {toothy}

I also have saved quite a few of these. I'll copy them from my e-mail. :)

_________________
One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
===========================================
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, How come you called God, "Harold"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name."
=========================================== And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
===========================================
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle... And He just then did!"
===========================================
One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."
===========================================
A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."
===========================================
A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."
===========================================
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
===========================================
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing? "I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
===========================================
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."
==========================================
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"

[Karenluvs6]

those were fantastic!
kids' are just too much aren't they?

I was going to move this thread over to Parenting 101, but I have decided, since these are very funny...I think it is better to leave them in here. I should have posted mine in here in the first place.

[jamesglewisf]

My 3-year-old daughter was just running down the hall and her feet slipped out from underneath her. She looked at me and said, "Kiss it, Daddy." I asked her, "Kiss what, Mary Margaret?" She answered, "Kiss ma hiney."

LOL! I couldn't stop laughing.

[Karenluvs6]

CHRISTMAS CARD
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--wearing nothing but a camera!

MY FOOTSTEPS?
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four- year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

A WISE LITTLE GIRL
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

THUMB SUCKING
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sifting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh .. I know what you've been doing."

[blinc]

Oh Goodness, {toothy} Kids! I can't believe some of these real life stories you all have posted. These are too hilarious!

[jamesglewisf]

I'm just howling over here. That's hilarious.