Karenluvs6
12-28-2000, 03:41 PM
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite
sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went
in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular
sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the
store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to
look around alone today before he needed her help. She
obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling,
"Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your
new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the
license plate number!"
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy comes home from the bar one night around 3 in
the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying
to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few
minutes and cuts a fart.
His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was
that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself "I'm gonna fix him." Then she
lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's lying there
for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries
so hard he messes in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
------------------------------------------------------------
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private
disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move
that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!"
the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping
and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered
the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But,
if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of
pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved
a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard
the one say, "Let's eat one now and save the other
until winter' - that did it."
sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went
in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular
sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the
store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to
look around alone today before he needed her help. She
obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling,
"Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your
new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the
license plate number!"
------------------------------------------------------------
A guy comes home from the bar one night around 3 in
the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying
to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few
minutes and cuts a fart.
His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was
that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself "I'm gonna fix him." Then she
lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's lying there
for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries
so hard he messes in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."
------------------------------------------------------------
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private
disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move
that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!"
the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping
and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered
the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But,
if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of
pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved
a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard
the one say, "Let's eat one now and save the other
until winter' - that did it."