Morning Humor for February 16, 2001 *Friday*

[Karenluvs6]

"They have luggage stores in airports. Who forgets their
suitcase? Have you ever seen a guy with an armload of shirts
going, 'Hurray, a suitcase?'" - Jay Mohr

***

"Someday I know I will look in a child's eyes, all full of
wonder and opportunity, and say, 'Don't shoot! My wallet's
in my left coat pocket!'" - Jennifer Piatak

***

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but once the casts
come off man, you better watch your back." - Unknown
************************************************************

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games.

In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention
on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe
Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of
the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The
President of The United States."
************************************************************

A man and woman are standing at the altar, waiting to be
married, when the bride-to-be looks at her prospective groom
and sees a set of golf clubs standing next to him. "What on
earth are you doing with those golf clubs?" she whispers.

"Well," he says, "this won't take all afternoon will it?"
************************************************************

*------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*

A blonde went into a bank to withdraw some money.

"Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk.

The blonde pulls a mirror out of her handbag, looks into
it and says, "Yes, it's me and I'm alright."
************************************************************

The father was angry because of the usual morning procedure.
"Who gets into the bathroom at seven and stays a solid hour?" he
demanded angrily.
"Your brother, Daddy."
"I have no brother. What makes you say such a thing?"
"Well, every morning, you bang on the bathroom door and yell, 'Oh,
brother, are you still in there?'"
************************************************************

Grandma lay back on her pillow, a comfortable look on her face. "I
feel much better today," she said. "I don't think my appendix will
have to be removed." She beamed happily. "But it was nice of the
minister to call and see me."

"Grandma," said Lulubelle, "that wasn't the minister. That was a
specialist from the city who examined you.

"Oh," granny replied. "I thought he was a little familiar for a
minister."
************************************************************

The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was.
"May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door.

"We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the
woman. "Are you a member of the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister."

"Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother."
************************************************************

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found
four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her
shopping bags, drew her handgun, and proceeded to scream at them at
the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out
of the car, you scumbags!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran
like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags in the
back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken
that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and
tried, to no avail.

And then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces
farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the
police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two
with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four
pale males were reporting a carjacking by a mad elderly woman
described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white
hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed. I love this one!
************************************************************

The kids were boasting about their fathers.
"My daddy bathes twice a week," said Henry.
"That's nuttin," said Butch. "My daddy bathes three times a week."
"Oh yeah," said Percival, not wishing to be out-daddied. "My daddy
keeps himself so clean, he never has to take a bath."
LOL!
************************************************************

have a great day!