enough of dear friends not chipping in!

travelbug7 · 06-02-2008, 04:37 PM

We have been great friends with another couple for over 28 years, we travel, dine, cry, laugh, everything together. We all have similar jobs, make the same salaries, have children the same ages. Lately the issue that is bugging my husband and I is they are so cheap with the small things, yet have always been this way! If they bring a dip and chips over to our house, she takes home the 1/4 left over bag, if they bring over burgers to grill on our grill, they only bring enough for their family, using our propane, condiments, plates, electric, dishwasher, etc etc. Yes this sounds soooo petty, but this has been going on for years, and with us all tightening up our belts, we just want to say something but not sure how to without losing friendships.
Almost all gatherings are at our home, as we have a lake house with a boat, and take boat rides every weekend, with them NEVER offering to bring gas. We use our pool all the time, with them NEVER bringing over extra beer, juices, food. One weekend a year they bring their motorhome to our lake, and hook up to our electricity, they run their A/C, use our kitchen for small meals, I asked her to pick up a bottle of champagne on her way down that weekend, and that evening she said, "oh by the way, the champagne cost $18 !!! Id I ask for them to bring some gas for the boat rides, she'll just say, well, we don't HAVE to go for boat rides! If I ask her to bring propane for the grill, she'd say, we'll just eat subs instead. Help! Any advise?

Dude111 · 06-02-2008, 06:18 PM

Welcome to frappydoo......

Good luck

jamesglewisf · 06-03-2008, 08:49 AM

If they haven't changed in over 28 years, they aren't likely to change now because you say something. If the cost is a real problem, I would invite them less. I doubt they will offer to chip in because in their minds, they already are.

Basically, you enabled their cheapness for 28 years. If you value your friendship, then just consider it the price of having really good friends.

alishalouise · 06-14-2008, 02:41 PM

Well there are ways to combat this. Running low on propane? - have subs instead. Then have subs! Have subs for every gathering. So you're always low on propane. It's expensive. Subs are delicious and many varieties. Or make your food before they arrive.
No gas for the boat - no boat rides. Then don't go on the boat.

For every reason they have to not share in the things they feed off of too, then do it. If they don't want to spend the money, you shouldn't have to make up for it. The other thing is... if you OFFER then you offered. Stop offering.

dreuby · 06-18-2008, 09:51 AM

I agree with Jim - but can I be your new friend?

tface · 07-10-2008, 06:20 AM

We have dealt with a lot of people like that. Like Jim says, if you keep offering....You know how they are. They aren't going to change. Plan your parties the way you want, and have fun!! No use stressing--We're all going to die. What's a quarterful bag of potato chips going to do for anyone in the long run? Or just stop inviting them places.

gunnagetcha · 11-22-2008, 08:59 PM

posted in wrong place sorry!

06-02-2008, 04:37 PM	#1
travelbug7 Smart Feller Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1	enough of dear friends not chipping in! We have been great friends with another couple for over 28 years, we travel, dine, cry, laugh, everything together. We all have similar jobs, make the same salaries, have children the same ages. Lately the issue that is bugging my husband and I is they are so cheap with the small things, yet have always been this way! If they bring a dip and chips over to our house, she takes home the 1/4 left over bag, if they bring over burgers to grill on our grill, they only bring enough for their family, using our propane, condiments, plates, electric, dishwasher, etc etc. Yes this sounds soooo petty, but this has been going on for years, and with us all tightening up our belts, we just want to say something but not sure how to without losing friendships. Almost all gatherings are at our home, as we have a lake house with a boat, and take boat rides every weekend, with them NEVER offering to bring gas. We use our pool all the time, with them NEVER bringing over extra beer, juices, food. One weekend a year they bring their motorhome to our lake, and hook up to our electricity, they run their A/C, use our kitchen for small meals, I asked her to pick up a bottle of champagne on her way down that weekend, and that evening she said, "oh by the way, the champagne cost $18 !!! Id I ask for them to bring some gas for the boat rides, she'll just say, well, we don't HAVE to go for boat rides! If I ask her to bring propane for the grill, she'd say, we'll just eat subs instead. Help! Any advise?

06-03-2008, 08:49 AM	#3
jamesglewisf Doofus Maximus Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Texas Posts: 8,401	If they haven't changed in over 28 years, they aren't likely to change now because you say something. If the cost is a real problem, I would invite them less. I doubt they will offer to chip in because in their minds, they already are. Basically, you enabled their cheapness for 28 years. If you value your friendship, then just consider it the price of having really good friends. __________________ Jim Lewis - Admin Tipping Etiquette Dining Etiquette JamesGLewis.com iPhone Tip Guide Movies Without Nudity.com To BE or not to BE

06-18-2008, 09:51 AM	#5
dreuby Gigglesnort Charteroo Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: UK Posts: 3,190	I agree with Jim - but can I be your new friend? __________________ Dianne Reuby Easter Family Genealogy Easter Family Blog

06-02-2008, 06:18 PM	#2
Dude111 An Awesome Dude Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,841	Welcome to frappydoo...... Good luck

06-14-2008, 02:41 PM	#4
alishalouise Fart Smeller Join Date: May 2008 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 15	Well there are ways to combat this. Running low on propane? - have subs instead. Then have subs! Have subs for every gathering. So you're always low on propane. It's expensive. Subs are delicious and many varieties. Or make your food before they arrive. No gas for the boat - no boat rides. Then don't go on the boat. For every reason they have to not share in the things they feed off of too, then do it. If they don't want to spend the money, you shouldn't have to make up for it. The other thing is... if you OFFER then you offered. Stop offering.

07-10-2008, 06:20 AM	#6
tface ZipZamZoom Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 150	We have dealt with a lot of people like that. Like Jim says, if you keep offering....You know how they are. They aren't going to change. Plan your parties the way you want, and have fun!! No use stressing--We're all going to die. What's a quarterful bag of potato chips going to do for anyone in the long run? Or just stop inviting them places.

11-22-2008, 08:59 PM	#7
gunnagetcha Smart Feller Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2	posted in wrong place sorry!