Picking up the check at a restaurant

DeeDee · 09-23-2009, 11:58 AM

Recently I invited three out of state girlfriends to all meet up with me for lunch at a restaurant we could all reasonably drive to within a few hours of our homes. I made arrangements with the server to give me the check at the end of our meal - which she did. One girlfriend grabbed the check from me insisting that she pay her own. It was awkward since she wasn't compelled to pay the tab for everyone (which is what I was doing) but she didn't want me to pay her way.

I've always been taught that if someone picks up the check then all you need to do is 1) politely offer to help pay and 2) thank them if they insist on paying.

In hind sight I realize I probably should have given the server my credit card up front, told her what percentage of a tip to add to it so that the only thing I needed to do was sign for it when she brought the bill. My question though is what is the proper way to respond when someone else picks up the check. Is it okay to pitch a fit while refusing to let them pay? Where are the battle lines drawn? Who backs down?

Thanks!
DeeDee

CuriousG · 09-23-2009, 11:53 PM

If someone grabs the check and insists on paying their own portion when you planned on picking up the tab, then I would politely say something like "Please, I insist, it's my treat, I'm just happy we could all get together."

If they still insist on paying for their own, might as well just let them. If you continue to argue and make a big fuss it might create an even more awkward moment or embarrass the other person.

In the past, to avoid an awkward situation when the check comes for a meal I plan on treating everyone to, I usually briefly excuse myself from the table and either settle up with the server if it's appropriate to do so, or ask that they bring the check directly to me at the end of the meal. That way you don't have to worry about anyone trying to snatch the bill from the middle of the table when it's presented.

jamesglewisf · 09-24-2009, 08:22 AM

I second that.

DeeDee · 09-29-2009, 05:27 PM

I did excuse myself to the ladies' room mid-way through the lunch. I asked the server to be sure to tally up one bill and give the check to me at the end of our lunch. I was sitting in the middle of the bench and the person on the end was reaching high in the air to grab it from the server. The server told her that I had already asked for the check. The server handed it to me and my friend grabbed it anyway.

The awkward part was that three other people were at the table who were polite and thanked me for lunch. My problem was that I couldn't see a way to let the fourth person pay her own while I picked up the tab for everyone else.

In the future I will be sure to give the server my credit card before the check comes, tell them what percentage to add as a tip and then hand me the completed bill to sign.

DeeDee

Dude111 · 09-29-2009, 05:43 PM

Welcome to the site,sounds like you handled things well

CuriousG · 09-29-2009, 08:30 PM

That's a difficult situation. Sounds like you handled it as best as you could. Not much you can do when someone makes a big deal out of the situation. People can get very funny when it comes to money.

IB O IR ID O · 05-11-2010, 06:58 PM

In situations such as these, I make it know up-front that the meal is my treat. Typically, if you invite someone to dinner, you're paying, unless it has been discussed in advance (or is the custom with these friends) to "go dutch". My preference, though, is to take turns paying alternate times going out for lunch (better with pairs than threes or more, though).

09-23-2009, 11:58 AM	#1
DeeDee Smart Feller Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2	Picking up the check at a restaurant Recently I invited three out of state girlfriends to all meet up with me for lunch at a restaurant we could all reasonably drive to within a few hours of our homes. I made arrangements with the server to give me the check at the end of our meal - which she did. One girlfriend grabbed the check from me insisting that she pay her own. It was awkward since she wasn't compelled to pay the tab for everyone (which is what I was doing) but she didn't want me to pay her way. I've always been taught that if someone picks up the check then all you need to do is 1) politely offer to help pay and 2) thank them if they insist on paying. In hind sight I realize I probably should have given the server my credit card up front, told her what percentage of a tip to add to it so that the only thing I needed to do was sign for it when she brought the bill. My question though is what is the proper way to respond when someone else picks up the check. Is it okay to pitch a fit while refusing to let them pay? Where are the battle lines drawn? Who backs down? Thanks! DeeDee

09-23-2009, 11:53 PM	#2
CuriousG Gigglesnort Charteroo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 1,130	If someone grabs the check and insists on paying their own portion when you planned on picking up the tab, then I would politely say something like "Please, I insist, it's my treat, I'm just happy we could all get together." If they still insist on paying for their own, might as well just let them. If you continue to argue and make a big fuss it might create an even more awkward moment or embarrass the other person. In the past, to avoid an awkward situation when the check comes for a meal I plan on treating everyone to, I usually briefly excuse myself from the table and either settle up with the server if it's appropriate to do so, or ask that they bring the check directly to me at the end of the meal. That way you don't have to worry about anyone trying to snatch the bill from the middle of the table when it's presented. __________________ "I didn't get where I am today by worrying about what I'd feel like in the morning."

09-24-2009, 08:22 AM	#3
jamesglewisf Doofus Maximus Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Texas Posts: 8,138	I second that. __________________ Jim Lewis - Admin Tipping Etiquette Dining Etiquette JamesGLewis.com iPhone Tip Guide Movies Without Nudity.com To BE or not to BE

09-29-2009, 08:30 PM	#6
CuriousG Gigglesnort Charteroo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 1,130	That's a difficult situation. Sounds like you handled it as best as you could. Not much you can do when someone makes a big deal out of the situation. People can get very funny when it comes to money. __________________ "I didn't get where I am today by worrying about what I'd feel like in the morning."

09-29-2009, 05:27 PM	#4
DeeDee Smart Feller Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2	I did excuse myself to the ladies' room mid-way through the lunch. I asked the server to be sure to tally up one bill and give the check to me at the end of our lunch. I was sitting in the middle of the bench and the person on the end was reaching high in the air to grab it from the server. The server told her that I had already asked for the check. The server handed it to me and my friend grabbed it anyway. The awkward part was that three other people were at the table who were polite and thanked me for lunch. My problem was that I couldn't see a way to let the fourth person pay her own while I picked up the tab for everyone else. In the future I will be sure to give the server my credit card before the check comes, tell them what percentage to add as a tip and then hand me the completed bill to sign. DeeDee

09-29-2009, 05:43 PM	#5
Dude111 An Awesome Dude Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,337	Welcome to the site,sounds like you handled things well

05-11-2010, 06:58 PM	#7
IB O IR ID O Smart Feller Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 9	In situations such as these, I make it know up-front that the meal is my treat. Typically, if you invite someone to dinner, you're paying, unless it has been discussed in advance (or is the custom with these friends) to "go dutch". My preference, though, is to take turns paying alternate times going out for lunch (better with pairs than threes or more, though).